In my experience, I, as well as many others I know, are conditioned to answer that question with….”Well, I can tell you what I DON’T want.”
It is SO much easier for me to come up with a list of 50 things that I don’t want than 50 things that I do want.
I know why this is the case. Early on, I learned that I can not have what I want. I learned that there is scarcity. I learned that I am greedy to want and to ask for and to expect to receive things that are scarce that I do not absolutely NEED. I learned that it is wrong to ask for things that my parents could not deliver easily.
I also learned to focus on what was wrong. I distinctly remember coming home excited to show my mother a test that had been graded at 95%. Her questions to me were…Why didn’t you get 100%? What did you get wrong? Why did you get it wrong? So I learned…from that experience and many others… to focus on what was wrong…to focus on what was missing.
Now that I am seeking, I have some new beliefs. I believe that there is no scarcity. I believe we can have, be, or do whatever we want. I believe we create our reality with our thoughts.
However, remnants of old habits and thought patterns remain. Now that I am trying to wake, my daily practice includes watching to catch myself:
- denying myself things that I want.
- answering questions about what I want with answers about what I don’t want (Q.Where do you want to go for dinner? A. Not the Thai restaurant tonight.)
- thinking about things that I do not want to happen (I hope this flight is not delayed….as opposed to I want this trip to go smoothly).
And when I am awake enough to catch those thoughts, I revise them.
The differences may seem slight, however, if we get what we are focused on…the differences are actually enormous.
Some days, I am more successful than others. It is worth the effort to continue trying. My ingrained belief is that it’s hard to change, but I know in my heart that it is harder not to. It is harder to live with self limiting beliefs and thought patterns than to live with no resistance. And It is worth whatever effort it takes to move closer to a state of no-resistance (alignment).
So…what do I want? Alignment…in all aspects of my being. I want to be clear about what I want, and to have complete faith that what I want is on the way to me. Why do I want that? Because I believe that being aligned means experiencing a consistent state of Joy. And consistent Joy is the goal in my life, the brass ring from the carousel, the lottery, the master prize.
I also want to be a person who can help others to identify what they want. I want to help myself and those that I encounter to be, do, and have all that we want to be, do and have. The biggest challenge for me in this area? Understanding and allowing others to want things that are different than what I consider the “ideal”.
Life is a fascinating adventure. Unlimited opportunities to expand!